Continuing the Conversation: Understanding Sexuality and Gender Identity

Two weeks ago, we started a conversation about identity, particularly the changes one might experience while navigating early adulthood.  Today, we expand on that concept by looking more specifically at the aspects of sexuality and gender expression and how to conceptualize these ideas for yourself.  I want to emphasize that this is not a tool for you to assess or label someone else with, but a tool for self-exploration.  Let’s walk through each quadrant:

1. Gender Expression: How You Show Up

• This is about presentation—clothing, hair, voice, mannerisms, and social performance.
• Influenced by culture, safety, comfort, or mood
• Intentional or instinctive
• Can be masculine, feminine, neutral, fluid​
• For some, it is tied deeply to values, while others focus more on practicality; both are valid answers!

2. Anatomy

• Often referred to as “sex assigned at birth” (SAAB)
• Based on a brief medical observation, and treated as definitive (in reality, it is a small snapshot of someone's full self!)
• Is no one’s business and determines nothing of worth, personality, expression, future, etc.

3. Attraction: Who You're Drawn To

• Complex and multi-layered
• Emotional, physical, romantic, sexual
• Fluid or consistent over time
  
• Personal exploration of how and when you know you are attracted to someone
  

4. Gender Identity: Who You Know Yourself to Be

• Internal sense of self shaped by reflection, experience, and self-awareness
• Some may work to fit social expectations while others may try to break them
• Can change frequently over the course of your life

Some sections of this may feel clear to you, while others bring feelings of uncertainty; that is okay!  You might revisit these questions at different points in your life and answer them differently.  It does not mean you were "wrong" before, it means you are human and changing over time as you were intended to do.

Credit to Karim Nassar, MSW, LCSWA for this conceptualization!