When "Therapy Speak" Gets in the Way

Mental health language is everywhere right now.  Phrases like “that’s triggering,” “set a boundary,” or “protect your energy” have made their way out of therapy rooms and into every day conversations.  In a lot of ways, this is a good thing; people are talking more openly about their emotions, needs, and experiences.  But sometimes, the way this language is used can actually create distance instead.

Let’s break those examples down:

1. “That’s triggering”​
This can mean anything from “I don’t like this” to “that made me uncomfortable”.  But clinically, a trigger is something that activates a strong emotional or physiological response, often connected to past trauma.  It is beyond discomfort, it is your nervous system reacting as if something unsafe is happening.  Discomfort does not always equal a trigger.  You can be both uncomfortable and safe.
2. “Set a boundary”
This one is often used in ways that sound like controlling other people: ”You can’t talk to me like that” or “You need to stop doing this”.  In reality, boundaries are about what you will do to take care of yourself, such as “If this continues, I’m going to step away from the conversation”.
3. "Protect your energy"
This phrase often gets interpreted as avoiding anything that feels hard or draining.  However, it does not always mean leaving or cutting things off.  Sometimes it looks like pacing yourself, engaging differently, and recognizing your limits.  Protection is not the same as avoidance.
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Why does this matter?  When language gets watered down, people can feel confused about what these terms actually mean, important concepts can lose their depth, and it can unintentionally invalidate more intense experiences.
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You don’t have to stop using this language altogether, and you shouldn’t overly stress yourself about getting the wording “perfect”.  But before using a phrase, you might ask yourself:

• What am I actually feeling right now?
• Am I trying to communicate a need, or avoid discomfort?
• What would this look like in action, not just words?

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At the end of the day, being understood matters more than using the ‘right’ words.

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